Are Men really Dogs?

Time and time again I have had conversations with women where we get together and bash men. Going through our experiences and agreeing with each other that men are horrible little creatures. However, I am really beginning to wonder if men are really dogs? Or is it that we as women allow men to treat us any which way they please? Honestly, can a man really do anything to us that we do not want him to do? How many times have we had dealings with a man who is no good, yet for some strange reason we ignore the signs and continue to allow this man deeper and deeper into our lives.

Recently I received a call from an individual that I have known for a number of years. We have always had a flirtatious thing going but nothing more than talk. We exchanged the new communication number of choice, blackberry pins. That should have been the first red flag. Anyways so a few weeks go by and we communicate via BBIM and everything is good. Minding my own business Mr. Man starts to tell me that he likes me and he wants to see me, telling me we could meet for breakfast or lunch. That was a first for me because those are both daytime activities and I was wondering why not dinner. Well a breakfast date for me is out of the question because I usually leave home at 8 to get to work for 8 if you catch my drift. By lunchtime I am usually swamped doing things so I usually don’t get to leave the office. We finally agreed that we would go out for drinks. After all of the talk he gave me he stood me up, which I have no problem with because I was home in comfort.

The thing that irritates me the most about this guy is that his excuse for not coming was that he was sleeping. The following day when I told him that I was not pleased he could not understand why I was upset. Apparently I was just supposed to be cool with being stood up. Subsequently, yes I continued speaking to him via BBIM no doubt, he told me he wanted to check me home. The concept of men “checking” me at home is a little pet peeve of mine for a number of reasons. Most often when men visit you at home they come empty handed. The woman then has to entertain the man by providing drinks and food. In other words it is a great way to freeload. Additionally, no one sees us together so it is a wonderful trick for womanizing men. Now nothing is wrong with staying in, but doing so in the beginning of the relationship is definitely not good because it sets a precedent.

Based on this scenario, are men really dogs? I honestly don’t think so. At this stage it is totally up to me whether or not I continue to interact with this man and what our level of interaction would be. If I continue to “date” him and then in a few months he is still up to these tricks I would have no one to blame but myself. In which case he wouldn’t be a dog, he would be a smart man and I would be a damn fool.

What do you think? Are men really dogs?

To My Grandfather

This thing called life is so strange. We often spend hours maybe even a lifetime trying to make sense of things that have happened to us. My life similar to anyone else’s has had some interesting turns which I appreciate because they all add up to make me the unique individual that I am today. My paternal grandfather has lived in Trinidad for as long as I have known yet still I have never seen the man. He and my grandmother divorced before I was born. I grew up not knowing either of my grandfathers and this was normal, I saw nothing wrong with it because it was what I knew. A few years ago I came to the realization that my mother also did not know who her father was. For some reason unknown to us my grandmother never divulged this information. It is not my place to question why my grandmother chose nondisclosure, that is her business. She was a strong, wise woman and I know that she would never act with malice or ill will. Therefore she would have done what she thought was best in the situation. My mother did some digging and discovered her father. So into our lives came this wonderful man who did not even know we existed. He accepted us with open arms and an open heart. Now I have a very cool Grandad (who reads my blog by the way). This has opened up a whole branch of my family tree. It is a new and exciting journey for us and we will cherish every moment of it because we definitely don’t have time for coulda shoulda woulda.

So Grandad today is your day. I want to wish you a very Happy Birthday!!! I wish you God’s richest blessings today and everyday and I hope you have a wonderful day.

Independent Women and the Role of Men

Recently a friend of mine suggested Independent Women and the Role of Men as a topic for me to write about. I jumped at it because I am really trying to stay out of the politics. Independent women, feminist and a host of other terms have been used over the years to describe the new breed of women. It doesn’t take much to realize that women are coming to the fore as the leaders of the world. Two recent examples are the first female President of Costa Rica and right here at home for the first time we have a woman in the running for Prime Minister. With these changing roles for women, it raises the question of how men fit in. Traditionally as women we have been taught that a man has to be the provider and protector, while we as women are supposed to nurture and support. However if we are providing for ourselves and paying for our own security systems in the homes that we bought for ourselves, what is the new and revised role of men? Are women still supposed to rely on men to provide and protect?

I think the answer is yes, after all that is what they have been trained to do. However, I do not think that a woman is supposed to sit around doing nothing while waiting on a man to do things especially if there is no man around. But if there is a man in your life, sit back and relax. Women have to find the unique balance and know when to let go and allow a man to be a man. It doesn’t matter how much money you make if a man feels that you do not need him in your life he will just cease to be a part of it. Essentially while it is good to be independent and strong and all that good stuff, it is just as important to allow your companion to be a man. Let him do what he was socialized to do. Even if you make more money than him don’t belittle him and definitely don’t remind him of that fact constantly. He already knows this. Steve Harvey dedicated an entire chapter in his book Act like a Lady Think like a Man to Strong Independent Lonely Women. Essentially he believes that if a woman persists in being the Strong Independent Woman giving off the illusion that she has no need for a man then she is going to be lonely.

What do you think about the role of men in the lives of Independent Women? Do you agree that a woman should allow a man to maintain his traditional role as provider and protector even if she can handle things on her own?

Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?

As a woman there have been several times in my life when I have felt that I was wronged by a man. However, is it really the man’s fault? Many times we as women meet a man who we know is no good for us, yet we continue in the hopes of some magic transformation. I am not saying that the sneaky lying men are not out there or that they don’t exist, because trust me they do exist. I am saying and admitting to the world that we as women create some of the heart ache and troubles that we encounter. For example, if you meet a man who openly tells you that he is not interested in a relationship at this time, then he isn’t. Nothing is going to change that man, unless you have a good script writer, director, producer and a hell of a theme song. So why stick around? Even if he does change his mind there is no guarantee that you are going to be the one he picks, because Lord knows you are not the only one that he is “not being in a relationship with”. It is ok to be alone, just move on. Use the time to do some abdominals and cardio because carnival is always just months away.

Then there are the men who we know are no good for us, we don’t even need them to tell us, we just know for ourselves. These are usually the really cute popular ones who like themselves more than God. The ones who live in their parents’ house, don’t have a dime saved, always by their favourite bar or liming spot, and always in the latest most expensive brand name clothing. This type of man is no good, simply because he is not interested in anyone but himself. He is never going to put any woman ahead of his lifestyle. Even if he commits to one woman he is not going to be involved financially, emotionally or even spiritually. However don’t get vex with the man, just see him for what he is. And that is the wrong man for you right now. He is not bad generally, he is just bad for you. Unless of course you are looking for penis escapades and want to have a good time then this type of man is just for you.


So ladies the next time you meet a guy and before you fall deeply in love and then go crazy on the man when it doesn’t work out. Ask yourself, is this really the right man for me right now?

Blackberry Instant Messenger is the Death of Traditional Romance

Forgive me if I am old, but I grew up in the age prior to cellphones. Cellphones became popular after I left secondary school. Recently thanks to Bmobile and Digicel the Blackberry has become the cellphone of choice for the masses. BBIM is an application that facilitates blackberry to blackberry messaging at no additional cost as long as both devices have a data plan. So for the last three years while I had five people in my BBIM contact list I now have about thirty. It has now become a trend when you meet a new guy to exchange pins instead of phone numbers. While this may be the modern thing to do, I think it takes away from the romance of a new encounter. Dating has actually been reduced to random disjointed messages. This is annoying on several levels. First Bmobile has proven itself to be probably the most unreliable mobile network in the universe hence there is no guarantee that the messages would be delivered in a timely manner, if even delivered at all. Secondly it allows womanizing men to carry on multiple conversations with various members of their harem. Therefore you no longer have the undivided attention of this man while chatting with him or in person because he is constantly tied to his phone. Third, men no longer feel the need to even pay for a phone call to make contact. And do not be fooled ladies the savings from these calls would not be seen in an improvement in the quality of dates. Finally, BBIM makes people think it is ok to message you all hours of the day or night. As opposed to a call where you would have to think about what the person may or may not be doing prior to placing the call. There is a reason that Machel did not sing “BBIM me anytime you want” and Jah Cure certainly did not sing “If you need a lover BBIM me”. That being said the next man to pick up the phone and call me I feel I will instantly fall in love simply because it has been so long. How has BBIM affected your dating life? Do you prefer dating life with or without BBIM?

The Stress of being a Single Woman in Trinidad and Tobago

I had an interesting conversation with a young lady who is much younger than me. In general the conversation was about a goal she had for herself which was to get married and have children in the next two years. This is a twenty-three year old woman with her whole life ahead of her. She has a good job, she is educating herself, good looking, great bubbly personality. So why is she upset, worried or even depressed about the fact that she may not be married with children by twenty-five. The only thing I can think of is SOCIETY. Why is it that there is so much pressure on women especially to get married and squeeze out babies? This is a current reality. It is not something that existed in the past. Young women are being given subliminal messages about when they should start a family.

My advice to her was to relax and enjoy life. Live. Go out. Have fun. We do not know how long we would be here for and while it may be good to have goals, at times goals cause us to live in the future and neglect the present. Of course we should all have goals and a purpose in life. But we cannot be so caught up in achieving those goals that we end up missing out on living. I am living a good life and enjoying it. There are a lot of things that I want and don’t have and I am still living just fine. What happens and when it happens it happens. Many times we have a goal and we are so caught up that when we achieve the goal we cannot even remember why we want whatever it was.

A single person male or female should be enjoying every moment that they are single. It is a time given to you by God to prepare us for the rigors of living with a spouse and having children. Candia highlighted this exact point quite nicely in an interesting story on her blog.

I am single. I am happy. I have no children. I have no prospects to make any children with. But guess what? I am one happy bastard. So relax people. Take a breath. Live each day to the fullest because tomorrow is not ours for sure. Finally be conscious of the pressure that we put on each other to achieve and over achieve.

Dating in Trinidad

As a young single woman in Trinidad I have found myself many times on a date and wondering to myself while smiling sweetly at my companion how the hell I end up here with you. This one guy in particular started things off bad before the date so I have no one to blame but myself for the eventual outcome.

So normal thing meet a guy exchange numbers and we talk on the phone a bit before going out. So in conversation prior to the date he tells me that he is of the opinion that when he dates Indian women they are usually more willing to pay as compared to young black girls who usually expect a man to spend his money all the time. Now being a young black woman myself I was offended and took the opportunity to put him in his place. I told him that as far as I know dating or courting as I would like to call it is an opportunity for a man to show me that he can provide for me and any offspring that we may produce together. How in God’s name do you expect to provide for a family if you cannot provide for a date which involves a meal and some form of entertainment.

Now I want to be very clear these cheap, irresponsible locho men are the worst kind. Because I am sure if I was an Indian woman the fable would have been the opposite. Mind you this is a grown man in his late thirties seemingly intelligent, reasonably good looking but just full of tricks. It is not that I expect that a man must spend his money all the time but oh gosh try to impress me in the early part of the relationship a little bit.

Now stupid me still went out with the man because obviously I am a sucker for punishment. My date complained that the bill was $277.00TT at Fridays and did not tip the server. Needless to say first and last dates rolled into one are the best. I love my Trini Men they are so innovative and never cease to amaze me.